birdsoup

I love the clever way David Bird describes the birds that frequent his restaurant in the following excerpt from one of his articles. 

 Open a Restaurant:  A Maitre d’ for the Birds

by  David M. Bird,    Biology Professor, McGill University

“The tables are set and I await my feathered guest.  I call it Dave’s Bird Bistro.  I smile smugly at the clever play I have made on my name as I stand near the back window gazing at my bird feeders hanging from the pole in the early dawn.  No reservations accepted, and first come, first served.

As someone who has been in the “bird buffet” business for years, I figure that I’ve got all the bases covered for my clients:  several basic feeders and plenty of water nearby for drinking and washing up.  A little something for everybody.

Ah, here comes my first guest, right on cue.  Cardinal Richelieu accompanied by his lover alight on the hanging platform feeder.  Since they forgo the arduous fall migration, cardinals are year-round customers.  They are also among my fussiest guests and arguably the most wanted N.A. feeder bird.  Being a tad shy, they prefer a table away from my windows and usually show up just after dawn and right before dusk.

As strikingly beautiful as they, are cardinals are not my favorite feeder bird.  That honor falls to the rather handsome Dark-eyed Juncos.  Looking like bank executives in their grey and white garb, they seldom land on my feeder, surprisingly preferring the indignity of rummaging through the table scraps spilled on the ground below the feeders.

Throughout the day, cocky little Black-capped Chickadees flit back and forth like high-energy teenagers, turning my bistro into nothing more than a fast-food operation.  Quickly grabbing sunflower seeds from my feeder, they dash off to some nearby cover, either to crack them open for a tasty treat or to stuff them into crevices for another day….

At any time of day, I can expect my suet feeder to bring in other beloved clientele – the Down and Hairy Woodpeckers.  For the most part, these elegant black-and-white celebrities do not mind being stared at, even at close range.  Also attracted by the suet are nuthatches, my wife’s cherished friends.  We are amused to watch these roundish, little birds with their snooty, upturned beaks sift through our sunflower seed, as if they were shoppers feeling tomatoes at a vegetable stand, to find just the right one by its heft.

No classy bird restaurant would be complete without a tube feeder filled with nyjer (or thistle) seed.  Yes, it’s the most expensive item on the menu, but Goldfinches and House Finches adore it and bring along the whole neighborhood to dine on these seeds.

Sometimes I offer daily specials at my restaurant. As an experienced maitre d’, I can safely tell you that there is no better way to bring in the local Blue Jays than by laying out a couple of handfuls of unshelled peanuts.  These cleverest of birds seem consistently to discover this treat within five minutes of its being offered.  Like chickadees, they do not stay long.  But one thing is sure – they will keep returning until every last one of the peanuts is gone.

Are all birds welcome at Dave’s Bird Bistro?  Well, I have to admit that the Mourning Doves have the worst table manners by far.  Not only do they actively elbow others customers, as well as each other, away from the feeder but they also leave quite a mess.

I certainly do not tolerate the “nasty boys”.  Kicky seed wastefully onto the ground and aggressively taking over the whole restaurant, Grackle are just plain obnoxious around feeders.  Replacing sunflower seed with safflower seed is just about the best way to send grackle elsewhere while keeping the desired customers coming back for more…..”